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So much has happened this last week. I don't know how much I can or should tell you guys. One of those days it was so hot that everything is a blur. I remember going to town and when we were driving home we crashed all of a sudden and I don't remember much after that. All I know right know is that I should probably stay undercover for a while.

Then Jay died. No, he didn't die. He was killed. Who would do something like that? Who could kill a man who have never really done anything wrong and even served our country. I don't know how to feel about it. I should probably be sad and cry over him, but should I do something more? In theory we were nothing more than just friends and I don't feel like it is appropriate of me to be devastated. Anyways I can't help being mad at the person who killed him and being mad at me that I let him take the blame for driving the car that night. I think I should at least had the chance to say goodbye tho him at his funeral. I can never undo that and that's something I will always regret.

What should I do?

Right now I'm in a puddle of tears. Tears are streaming and I don't know how to fix it. I was just at Nicks house having tea with him and Gatsby. It felt awkward being there with only them. It felt like Nick had put on a mask and styled his house only for me. He even moved his lawn. Or maybe Gatsby was the one who wanted it. He is clearly still into me. As he pointed out it is almost 5 years since we saw each other and my feelings for him are almost forgotten. At the moment he said it all I wanted was to fall off the face of the earth and forget all about it.

After a while he even brought us to his house. Did he just want to show off how rich he have become? No matter what his intentions were it did stir up some emotions within me. Although I thought my feelings were depressed a long time ago, I now know that there's still something there. Even so, I suspect that Gatsbys feelings are stronger than the ones I have in return. I mean, I am a married woman now and have to restrain myself, but is it really so wrong of me to wish that Jay had said something earlier? Would that have changed anything? Truth is I don't know, and sadly that might never change.

It would have been great if I had someone like wikiHow to help me out before I married Tom. Check out the link, maybe this will help you if you're struggling with something similar?

http://www.wikihow.com/Choose-Between-Two-Guys

Introduction to my life

Hi, everybody and welcome to my blog. First I want to tell you a bit about myself. I am woman living on the East Egg. I grew up in Louisville, but have now moved to the East Egg, where I live together with Tom Buchanan, whom I am now happily married to. At least I used to be happily married. I don't feel like I can say that this is true anymore. I can still recall the night before our wedding. I wept and cried my heart out. Insisting that I had changed my mind. Then my friend Jordan and my mothers maid got me into a cold bath, clearing my mind and making me ready for the wedding. The next day I married him, but soon after I started to feel like something was wrong. I am still burdened by this feeling.

Me and my husband Tom
Picture taken from: http://quotesgram.com/tom-and-daisy-buchanan-quotes/#S27gORcPVj

I am so sorry for rambling about my personal feelings. I think maybe I should tell you more about how my life is going now.

Today my cousin Nick came over for dinner. He's a good listener and I really feel that I can tell him things about my life that I might not tell others. I always know that he is there to listen and he never judges me. At least not to my face. Because of him being a great listener, he also has a lot of stories to tell. All sorts of people are spilling their guts to him at all times. He's like a safe rock in an ocean of judgmental people. He's the kind of person I feel like I could use right now.

Sincerely,
Daisy